Tony Beals is the VP of Admissions and Enrollment Solutions at Brightmont Academy. Tony has extensive experience as both a parent and an educator working with students from an array of backgrounds including those with anxiety, depression, ASD, ADHD, and ODD. He has been in the education industry for over 25 years and has been involved as a teacher, consultant, manager, and leader.
The Many Faces of Masking and The Hidden Cost of “Fitting In”
Tony Beals • October 22, 2025
Masking is one of the most exhausting parts of living with ADHD (and other forms of neurodivergence). On the surface, it looks like we’re “functioning.” Underneath, it feels like running a marathon in a costume that doesn’t fit.
𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗙𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗙𝗮𝗰𝗲𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗠𝗮𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴
Masking isn’t just one thing, it shifts depending on where we are:.
- 𝗖𝗼𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗺𝗲 𝗺𝗮𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 — Altering your physical appearance or style to blend in. Clothes, hair, accessories… like putting on an outfit that “fits the part,” even when it doesn’t feel like you. Makes us feel out of our skin and makes us feels a little like imposter syndrome.
- 𝗔𝗰𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗺𝗶𝗰 𝗺𝗮𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 — Using nods, eye contact, or body language to look engaged, even when your brain is miles away. Less about learning, more about avoiding being “caught.”
- 𝗛𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗺𝗮𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 — Holding back questions, frustrations, or energy because you don’t have the bandwidth for judgment or “helpful advice.” Silence becomes self-preservation. Its too much work to explain everything on the spot when we are already exhausted.
- 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗸𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗺𝗮𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 — Containing natural energy, impulsivity, or processing style so you don’t irritate or disappoint others. Sometimes it turns into people-pleasing, where performance matters more than authenticity.
It also shows up in micro-masks:
- 𝗙𝗼𝗿𝗰𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗲𝘆𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗰𝘁 while your mind races.
- 𝗗𝗿𝗼𝗽𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗻 𝗳𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗿 𝗽𝗵𝗿𝗮𝘀𝗲𝘀 (“Right,” “Yeah”) to hide the fact you didn’t fully process.
- 𝗦𝗺𝗶𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝗮𝗻𝘅𝗶𝗲𝘁𝘆 𝗼𝗿 𝗯𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗼𝘂𝘁 to avoid judgment.
𝗪𝗵𝘆 𝗜𝘁’𝘀 𝗦𝗼 𝗗𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴
Each mask takes energy. Stack enough of them together, and by day’s end, whether at home, work or school, you’re depleted. The problem isn’t that we’re broken, it’s that pretending to be “normal” comes at a cost. Trying to fit in comes at a cost. Trying to avoid explanations and other's questions, comes at a cost.
𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗛𝘂𝗹𝗸 𝗔𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗼𝗴𝘆
I love superheroes and masking, to me, often feels like Bruce Banner trying to contain the Hulk. At first, it’s suppression and just holding back so the world doesn’t react. It’s exhausting, a constant battle. The energy it takes to do this is overwhelming and sometimes physically painful, mentally straining, and emotionally depleting.
But eventually, Banner and the Hulk can learn to coexist (and in the comics and movies he does). He doesn’t have to fight or hide it because he learns when to release it, and how to live with it. The mask becomes a blend of who we are and who we think we should be.
That’s what safe unmasking can look like too: finding spaces and strategies where authenticity isn’t risky, but powerful.
𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗪𝗮𝘆 𝗙𝗼𝗿𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗱
Unmasking doesn’t mean tearing away every mask at once. It means:
- 𝗦𝗮𝗳𝗲 𝘀𝗽𝗮𝗰𝗲𝘀 — homes, schools, workplaces where understanding replaces judgment.
- 𝗦𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 — remembering masking wasn’t weakness; it was survival.
Like Banner, we can learn that our “other side” isn’t something to fear — but something to work with. That shift takes us from exhaustion to empowerment.
How about you? Do you notice yourself masking more at work, at home, or in social spaces? Where do you feel safest to unmask?
Thanks for reading 𝗧𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗧𝗮𝗹𝗸𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗧𝗼𝗻𝘆. This article reflects my original writing and lived experience. Feel free to share the link or repost, but please don’t republish or copy the content without permission. © 2025 Tony Beals. All rights reserved.
Written by Tony Beals, VP at Brightmont Academy and author of the “Table Topics with Tony” newsletter and the upcoming book, The Education Paradox.© 2025 Tony Beals
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The Top Benefits of One-to-One Education for Middle and High School Students
Private School Specializing in One-to-One Instruction for 1st-12th Grade Students National — Students who remain in an unsuitable learning environment can experience declines in GPA, increased absenteeism, and higher stress levels. Brightmont Academy, a fully accredited private school offering one-to-one instruction, reminds families that they don’t have to wait until the next school year to make a change. Thanks to rolling admissions, students can transfer to Brightmont at nearly any point and continue their education without falling behind. According to Karen Buckner, CEO of Brightmont Academy, one of the most common times families make the switch is in October. “October is one of Brightmont’s largest enrollment months,” Buckner said. “Why? Because we’re rolling admissions, which means if it’s not going well for your child in the first semester—whether they’re in freshman year, sophomore year, eighth grade, or sixth grade—don’t make them stick it out until the end. Make the change now and know that Brightmont is here to help you in making that change.” Buckner explained that the timing of a transfer doesn’t have to set a student back academically. “Students who come in October have ample time to take care of the first semester of whatever year they’re in, perhaps even stay for the second semester, but they will not lose pace with their peers,” Buckner said. Buckner also emphasized that many parents are unaware that mid-year enrollment is an option. “I think that’s a big concern kids have, and frankly, parents don’t always know that there’s an option,” she explained. “They think, ‘Oh, maybe next year we’ll change schools,’ or ‘maybe we’ll look at doing something different for the second semester.’ The best thing you can do is make the change earlier—before it hits the transcript if you’re in high school, or the report card if you’re in middle school. You can enroll at Brightmont and find a better, more personalized solution.” Brightmont Academy has served more than 4,000 students since its founding in 1999, helping children succeed academically through its unique one-to-one instruction model. The school offers open enrollment throughout the year, ensuring families can make the right decision for their child when it matters most. Brightmont Academy is located in nine states and is currently accepting enrollments. Brightmont Academy is an accredited private school that provides one-to-one instruction. One experienced teacher works with one student throughout every learning session. Customized full-time programs and individual courses are offered for grades 1-12. Students can also receive individualized tutoring for all 1-12 subjects, study skills, and test prep. Brightmont Academy has served thousands of students since 1999 and has 21 campuses in Arizona, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Michigan, Minnesota, North Carolina, and Washington. For more information call 1-888-521-0887 or visit: www.brightmontacademy.com . Watch our video: Brightmont Academy - The One-to-One Flexible school - 1st through 12th
One-to-one instruction is custom, flexible, and supportive for middle school and high school students. Since success looks different for every family, understanding how quality educational support can impact outcomes is essential. In this article, I’ll explore the top five benefits of one-to-one instruction and how it supports long-term student success. One: Immediate Feedback and Support Teens are diverse learners with individual personalities; they need feedback and support. Wins are celebrated and mistakes become opportunities to grow. The latest research compiled, for The International Journal of Technology and Higher Education, with over a century of data states “Additionally, effective feedback should be personalized to meet individual learners’ needs and formative, delivered while students can still act on it to improve their performance.”(Weidlich et. al., 2025). Achievement becomes attainable through discussion, questions, and reteaching strategies. Highly informative feedback using learning analytics: how feedback literacy moderates student perceptions of feedback | International Journal of Educational Technology in Higher Education Two: Mastery-Based Progression
Private School in Redmond Specializing in One-to-One Instruction for 1st-12th Grade Students Redmond, WA — Brightmont Academy, a private accredited school offering one-to-one instruction, is proud to announce the appointment of Ann Vinson as the new Campus Director of its Redmond campus. Vinson steps into the role following the tenure of Kerri Resing, who did an amazing job while she was there. Resing will continue to support the Redmond team by helping the campus strengthen its connections with local school districts. Vinson joins Brightmont with over two decades of experience in education and a deep passion for personalized learning. “The mission of Brightmont is to provide customized one-to-one instruction to help as many students as possible reach their full academic potential and prepare for college and future careers,” said Vinson. “I have been in education for 20+ years, and my goal has always been to reach each student where they are to help elevate them to new heights. Brightmont is my goal in action, helping each student achieve success through one-to-one instruction based on their starting point and mastery of each topic, while allowing my teachers to teach to their passions!” Before joining Brightmont, Vinson spent nearly 20 years teaching elementary and middle school before moving into school administration. “Having been in a classroom for so many years, I truly understand what students and teachers need to be successful,” she explained. “I have 5+ years of experience as a director in a school, and I understand the business aspect of our schools as well. I can use my experience to create a well-rounded learning environment where our students can reach mastery and further their education.” Vinson’s academic credentials include a Bachelor of Arts in Communication from Saint Mary’s College of California, a Juris Doctor from Southwestern University School of Law, and a Master of Arts in Elementary Education from Loyola Marymount University. Looking ahead, Vinson is excited to build a thriving, engaging campus environment. “I want a school filled all day with students enjoying the learning process! I love the ‘buzz’ of a busy campus with teachers engaged and students embracing new things.” Brightmont Academy looks forward to Ann Vinson’s leadership in continuing its mission to help every student reach their full potential through individualized education. Brightmont Academy is located at 7345 164th Ave NE, Ste I-135 in Redmond and is currently accepting enrollments. Families and professionals are invited to attend an Open House event on Thursday, October 16th, 2025, between 9:00 AM and 4:00 PM. Brightmont Academy is an accredited private school that provides one-to-one instruction. One experienced teacher works with one student throughout every learning session. Customized full-time programs and individual courses are offered for grades 1-12. Students can also receive individualized tutoring for all 1-12 subjects, study skills, and test prep. Brightmont Academy has served thousands of students since 1999 and has 21 campuses in Arizona, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Michigan, Minnesota, North Carolina, and Washington. For more information call 1-888-521-0887 or visit: www.brightmontacademy.com . Watch our video: Brightmont Academy - The One-to-One Flexible school - 1st through 12th
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The Invisible Load of Teachers
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