Barbara Farland is an English & Social Studies instructor at Brightmont Academy in Plymouth, Minn. She holds a master’s degree in Business Communication from the University of St. Thomas and, prior to pursuing a second career in education, worked as an award-winning public relations and communications professional in both the corporate and nonprofit sectors. As a “storyteller by nature and teacher at heart,” Barbara continues to contribute to various anthologies, among other writing projects.
Relationships & ADHD: A Matter of Mutual Grace
Barb Farland • January 28, 2026
I write this post not long after talking with a frustrated friend. Last night, she received what has become a typical phone call from her husband. Such conversations often begin with his saying: “I forgot…” “Can you please bring me…?” “Oh, I didn’t know that was happening today…” Last night, he needed a ride to a restaurant where he left his jacket and keys. My friend literally put dinner on the backburner, got in her car, and did her due diligence as a gracious spouse.
My friend’s husband has never been assessed for any kind of neurodiversity, but many signs point to his having ADHD, the prominently inattentive version. Cleveland Clinic lists these symptoms for it: lack of focus, prone to distractions, difficulty with details, and difficulty with finishing projects. Check, check, check, and check! Whether her husband has ADHD or not, you can still imagine the effect his tendencies have on their day-to-day life together.
And that’s just it… People with ADHD don’t live in a vacuum. They have families, they enjoy friendships, they might get married and have children of their own someday, etc. However, I think the key to fulfilling, lasting, and supportive relationships isn’t about a fixation on our diagnoses, disorders, compulsions, etc. It’s not about labeling someone with ADHD as “difficult” or “frustrating” or “needy,” as if they’re always a “problem.” Instead, it’s healthy for everyone to maintain a posture of mutual grace. After all, relationships—whether involving someone with ADHD or not—are a two-way street.
Admitting Negative Perceptions
The first step in restoring and nurturing relationships is honesty. What are our misunderstandings? How are we contributing to conflict or strain? How are we perceiving the thoughts and actions of others?
In the context of personal relationships, those with ADHD might be perceived as uncaring. Their difficulties in being able to track a conversation or to comprehend facts and feelings can really frustrate and hurt their friends and family members.
Those with ADHD might also be pegged as irresponsible given all of the tasks left unfinished, objects misplaced or lost, etc. Oftentimes, their family members and friends feel compelled to do more than their share and pick up the pieces, so to speak. In the end, it’s not hard to imagine how resentment could rear its ugly head, and cause a lot of strain and conflict from day to day.
But, as mentioned above, it’s a two-way street. People with ADHD may perceive those around them with just as much annoyance and hard feelings. This is especially the case if ADHD is seen as a “problem,” and the person with it is labeled as such. Of course, this is not fair, not to mention kind. Couple this with feeling nagged and constantly criticized, and those with ADHD are bound to perceive their loved ones with some animosity.
Managing Relationships Well
Relational struggles are real—but there’s always hope. Melinda Smith, a psychologist and executive director of Helpguide.org, offers some practical relationship tips for those with ADHD, as well as their families and friends.
First, Smith advises those with ADHD to:
- Recognize that your diagnosis and all that comes with it have an affect on relationships. Denying its impact only creates a more difficult climate to grow and nurture relationships.
- Seek professional help in addressing the symptoms that may be contributing to relational conflict and stress. Take advantage of available resources versus going it alone and relying on your own resolve.
- Establish rules for dealing with conflict, including taking breaks to cool off and collect yourselves. Respectful conversations produce much better results than heated arguments.
- Refuse to live enabled, and show your ability to care for others just as they care for you. In other words, be thoughtful.
At the same time, those who know and love people with ADHD need to meet them halfway. Relationships work best when friends and family:
- Subscribe to the mindset that ADHD is not a deficit, just a difference. Hold your own thoughts and actions in check accordingly.
- Show genuine gratitude and offer generous encouragement. The Golden Rule goes a long way with all kinds of people.
- Resist attaching negative and errant reasoning to their inattentiveness (i.e., if they don’t listen, they don’t care). Assume they have good intentions even when it may be hard for them to follow through.
All relationships come with their challenges. If I’m honest, my temper, impatience, pride, etc., have played out poorly in my own relationships—but I also have the ability to make wise choices that honor the humanity of those around me. Whether ADHD is a factor or not, we can trust that relationships are worth the work.
Resources:
https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/adhd/adult-adhd-and-relationships
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/4784-attention-deficithyperactivity-disorder-adhd
More Blog Posts + News
Learn how sleep affects student success and how Brightmont Academy can help with flexible schedules.
Summer learning loss threatens many students’ academic progress. Learn how one-to-one summer learning programs help students sustain momentum year-round.
The Top Questions Families in Birmingham ask about Brightmont Academy
Brightmont Academy is part of a growing national conversation about how personalized education can better support student success.
Brightmont Academy announces expansion for Chandler campus to continue supporting students in the area.
Brightmont Academy, specializing in one-to-one instruction for 1st-12th grade students, announces its grand opening in Tempe, AZ.
Illinois Private School Highlights One-to-One Instruction for Grades 1-12 St. Charles & Naperville, IL — Brightmont Academy, an accredited private school offering fully individualized, one-to-one instruction for students in grades 1–12, announces that Meredith Hale, Campus Director of the St. Charles campus, and Lindsay Morales, Campus Director of the Naperville campus, were recently featured guests on the #NoLimits podcast. The podcast is hosted by educator, advocate, and author Shelley Kenow and is rooted in the belief that no one can fully predict a person’s potential or future—and that opportunities should never be limited by labels or assumptions. Hale and Morales connected with Kenow at the Dynamics of Dyslexia conference in Illinois, where they discovered a shared passion for supporting neurodiverse learners and the families who advocate for them. “Meredith and I met Shelley at the conference and quickly connected around our mutual commitment to helping students access education that truly meets their needs,” said Morales. Kenow’s mission to spotlight individuals and organizations that help others reach their fullest potential closely aligns with Brightmont Academy’s educational philosophy. Brightmont partners with families to create individualized learning environments that remove barriers and empower students to thrive academically, socially, and emotionally. “We were honored to be guests on Shelley’s podcast,” Morales said. “Her work centers on helping students and families navigate—and ultimately break through—the limits society often places on them.” For both campus leaders, participating in the podcast reflects their shared commitment to advocacy, connection, and reimagining what education can look like for students who need a more personalized approach. “Being part of Shelley’s community allows us to share how Brightmont supports students in meaningful, individualized ways, and to contribute to a broader conversation about reimagining education for learners who need something different,” Morales added. The #NoLimits podcast is on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Facebook, and YouTube. Brightmont Academy is located at 620 E Main St. in St. Charles and at 1528 Aurora Ave. in Naperville and is currently accepting enrollments. Families and professionals are invited to attend an Open House event on Thursday, February 19, 2026, between 9:00 AM to 3:00 PM. Brightmont Academy is an accredited private school that provides one-to-one instruction. One experienced teacher works with one student throughout every learning session. Customized full-time programs and individual courses are offered for grades 1-12. Students can also receive individualized tutoring for all 1-12 subjects, study skills, and test prep. Brightmont Academy has served thousands of students since 1999 and has 24 campuses in Arizona, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Michigan, Minnesota, North Carolina, and Washington. For more information call 1-888-521-0887 or visit: www.brightmontacademy.com . Watch our video: Brightmont Academy - The One-to-One Flexible school - 1st through 12th
When we talk about learning differences, vision is often treated as one of the simplest variables to address. The solutions we reach for are familiar in recommending glasses, larger print, or a seat closer to the board. These supports can be helpful, but they are often built on an assumption that vision is primarily about clarity. In my work with neurodivergent and vision-challenged students at Brightmont Academy , I’ve learned that vision is rarely that simple. I’ve worked with learners who have Cortical Visual Impairment (CVI), neurological vision challenges, and progressive vision loss. One student I worked with began losing her sight in 10th grade and is now legally blind. What stood out most was not only how her vision changed, but how quickly expectations around her learning shifted alongside it. The challenge was never her ability. It was her access. For many learners, vision is not just about what the eyes detect, but how the brain processes, organizes, and sustains visual information. When that distinction is misunderstood, even well-intentioned accommodations can easily miss the mark.
Private School in Cherry Creek Specializing in One-to-One Instruction for 1st-12th Grade Students Cherry Creek, CO — Brightmont Academy has named Nadine Ritchotte as Campus Director of its Cherry Creek campus, bringing more than 30 years of experience in public education to the role. Ritchotte will lead the new campus as Brightmont continues to expand its individualized, one-to-one learning model for students in grades 1–12 across the Denver metro area. After decades in traditional public education, Ritchotte was drawn to Brightmont’s mission of meeting students where they are academically, socially, and emotionally. After 30 years in public education, I finally realized the limits on what I could change,” Ritchotte said. “Brightmont Academy represents the kind of alternative model I believe in, one that individualizes learning and helps students thrive in a supportive, safe environment.” Located in the heart of the Denver metropolitan area, Cherry Creek is uniquely positioned to serve families across multiple school districts. The area is surrounded by at least five public school systems, each with students who may struggle in traditional classroom environments for a variety of reasons — from learning differences to social challenges or the need for greater flexibility. Ritchotte sees Brightmont’s one-to-one instructional approach as an ideal solution for students who may feel overlooked or unsupported elsewhere. “Brightmont Academy can help those students find their potential and love for learning through one-to-one learning,” she said. Looking ahead, Ritchotte’s vision extends beyond academic progress to help students rebuild confidence and rediscover joy in learning. “I want the Brightmont Academy Cherry Creek Campus to help students rediscover their potential,” Ritchotte said. “Success for our campus looks like a place where students who once struggled feel capable, engaged, and proud to be who they are.” Brightmont Academy is located at 3773 E Cherry Creek North Dr., Suite 145, in Cherry Creek and is currently accepting enrollments. Brightmont Academy is an accredited private school that provides one-to-one instruction. One experienced teacher works with one student throughout every learning session. Customized full-time programs and individual courses are offered for grades 1-12. Students can also receive individualized tutoring for all 1-12 subjects, study skills, and test prep. Brightmont Academy has served thousands of students since 1999 and has 23 campuses in Arizona, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Michigan, Minnesota, North Carolina, and Washington. For more information call 1-888-521-0887 or visit: www.brightmontacademy.com . Watch our video: Brightmont Academy - The One-to-One Flexible school - 1st through 12th
