How we communicate with students matters. When it comes to teaching and interacting with students diagnosed with ADHD, intentionality is even more important given the negative, disheartening script they’re used to hearing. How can we rewrite that script to help boost student confidence and set them up for success? The key is to focus on three things: praise, choices, and affinity. 

Praise 

Old script:  Imagine reprimand after reprimand, criticism after criticism, and little else when it comes to the comments received from others. This is what students with ADHD or other learning and social differences may be accustomed to. Talk about defeating, right? 

After a while, lack of praise may result in two sad scenarios among such students. They might become severely depressed, despondent, and even suicidal, believing they have no worth. Conversely, they might become extremely narcissistic and try to make up for their “deficiencies” by always seeking attention and approval from others. Either way, their academics, relationships, etc., continue to suffer for it. 

New script:  That’s why, even when it seems impossible, it’s important to be very liberal and creative with praise. Experts suggest subscribing to the 5-to-1 praise-to-criticism ratio, meaning for every one piece of correction, try to deliver five very specific comments of praise throughout the process of learning. Not just redundant “good jobs” and “well dones.” We should strive to find something, even the littlest thing, to be positive about. For example…

Also notice how all of these statements begin with “you,” a strategy that communicates our observations as hard facts, not just personal opinions. Furthermore, when such statements are used as part of a “sandwich”—one praise, then one criticism, then another praise—positivity reigns even when correction is required. Add to this approach some encouraging visual cues (e.g., thumbs up), and student confidence is bound to grow both in and outside of the classroom.   

Choices

Old script: Clinicians and parents are often resolute in developing thoughtful and intricate plans for their students. There’s no doubt that their intentions and ideas are devised in the students’ very best interests. However, such students might sometimes feel like they’re living with little freedom to chart their own courses. When they feel excluded like this, even the best-laid plans may crush their dreams. 

New script: Students need our support and guidance, that’s a given no matter the circumstances. But there are ways to help young people with ADHD feel part of the process and masters of their own destinies. Even the simplest choices can help them feel like their voices are heard and respected. Examples of choices include:

The use of choices and other questions also helps to eliminate direct reprimands and frame student behavior as theirs to manage. Asking them to evaluate their actions (e.g., “Was that a good or bad decision?”) instills a sense of responsibility and self-advocacy. They are more likely to see themselves as part of their own team!   

Affinity

Old script:  Society can be cruel, especially to those who behave in challenging ways or don’t “fit the mold.” The insensitive or hostile treatment of others may feel even heavier for young people who lack both the emotional maturity and self-confidence to navigate negative encounters. The result? A lot of kids feel broken and alone. 

New script:  As we come to the aid of hurting, struggling kids, it’s important to acknowledge their realities. In so doing, we must emphasize the universal challenges of having ADHD, and then bridge to the solutions that have worked well for others. In addition, our use of “I” statements shows we notice their personal plights and want to be a source of support. Here are a couple of examples of these strategies in action:

The Private School Difference

Communication https://www.brightmontacademy.com/about-us/mission-history  is a corporate value at Brightmont Academy, a private one-to-one school that serves all kinds of students, including those with learning differences. At Brightmont, good communication means engaging in proactive, honest, and regular dialogue; being active listeners; and respecting the opinions of others. Even more than that, it means being expert “script rewriters.” 

Brightmont’s unique one-to-one model gives us an advantage in this critical cause. Regarding praise, when all of our attention is on a single student, we can react constantly and very personally to their performance—there’s no competition in the classroom for feedback. Regarding choices, majority rule is a non-issue—we deliver choices that appeal to each particular student. Finally, when it comes to affinity, there’s an opportunity not only to express the commonalities students with ADHD share with each other, but also to invite them into a meaningful, fun, and easy community. 

All together, this amounts to the Brightmont difference. But script rewriters are needed wherever young people are found, whether at school, home, etc. Join us? We hope you believe as we do that our students are worth it!

Barbara Farland is an English & Social Studies instructor at Brightmont Academy in Plymouth, Minn. She holds a master’s degree in Business Communication from the University of St. Thomas and, prior to pursuing a second career in education, worked as an award-winning public relations and communications professional in both the corporate and nonprofit sectors. As a “storyteller by nature and teacher at heart,” Barbara continues to contribute to various anthologies, among other writing projects.